


Fifty Shades of Awkward

by Laparoscopic



Series: Elliot & Susan [1]
Category: El Goonish Shive
Genre: Demonic Duck, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Mutual Masturbation, Porn, Star Trek - Freeform, The Review Show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-26 10:19:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16679764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laparoscopic/pseuds/Laparoscopic
Summary: Susan and Elliot review something a little...different.





	Fifty Shades of Awkward

“ _Seriously?”_ Susan gave Tensaided a glower that would have reduced braver men to small puddles of quivering gray goo, but Tensaided just beamed back at her, his wide smile shining through his bushy beard. He seemed equally oblivious to both Susan’s outrage and her embarrassment.

“Yes, seriously. I think it could be funny. And it could increase your hit rates enormously.”

Susan opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before a coherent objection managed to come to mind. “We don’t even stock that video,” she protested weakly.

“I can order it, and get it in with Thursday’s shipment.”

Susan continued to glare at her boss. “You _do_ realize that the only reason I’m not summoning a magical hammer right now and pounding you into a greasy little spot on the floor is because you sign my paycheck.”

Tensaided’s eyebrows shot up. “Summoning weapons? That would be good for at _least_ a hundred experience points. You could be a level eight clerk in no time.”

Susan sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Don’t tempt me.”

“Do you want to ask Elliot if he’s interested?”

“It doesn’t matter. If _I’m_ not interested, we’re not doing it. And I’m not.”

Tensaided pursed his lips for a moment, looking thoughtful, then, with a sly smile, he offered, “If you do it, I’ll get rid of all but one copy of _Fifty Shades of Grey_.”

Susan felt a slight thrill at the notion, but countered, “Why not all of them?”

“We need to have at least _one_ copy of every blockbuster, even if they are schlock.”

Susan narrowed her eyes. “How many copies do we even have at the moment?”

“Seven.”

“That, and we only stock one copy of each of the sequels, when they come out,” Susan countered. She was depressingly aware that there _would_ be sequels. Alas.

“Hey, I _do_ have to make a living here. Even if they’re offensive, they’re popular.”

“Okay, seven copies of each of the sequels for the first month after their release, to be dropped down to one copy thereafter.”

“First _two_ months,” Tensaided countered.

Susan couldn’t believe she was actually dickering about this. “Fine. Two months. Deal.”

“Deal.” Tensaided beamed happily and stuck out his hand. Susan warily shook it, then pulled out her hand sanitizer and cleaned her hands. Then she shook her head.

“Crap. I can’t believe I just agreed to review a porno.”

“Well, at least it’s a Star Trek parody. That should make it fun.”

Susan rolled her eyes. “Oh, sure, so my fannish sensibilities can be offended at the same time as my feminist sensibilities. _Wonderful_.”

“I’ll let you smash one of the copies of _Fifty Shades_ we pull from circulation,” Tensaided offered as consolation.

“Hrmph. Can I do it now?”

“ _After_ you do the review.”

Susan sighed. “I’ll probably need the release more at that point, anyway.”

“So, what are you going to tell Elliot?”

Susan groaned.

 

* * *

 

“ _Seriously?_ ” Elliot sounded even more incredulous than Susan had, when Tensaided first floated the idea to her. They were sitting in Susan’s basement, on the couch in front of the TV where they filmed their review show.

“Yes, seriously.”

He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. “This isn’t some kind of test, is it?”

“What?” Susan stared at him, confused.

“I mean…you just want to see how outraged I would be at the suggestion, right?” He grinned nervously. “Don’t worry, I’d never go along with anything like that, honest.”

Susan sighed. She wasn’t sure if she should be offended or depressed that Elliot could believe she would actually “test” him in such a way. “No, it’s not a test, Elliot. It’s a real suggestion. A request from our pervy boss.”

Elliot blinked. “Tensaided? Uh…that could be seen as sexual harassment in the workplace, you know.”

“Eh…I kinda brought it up first,” Susan admitted.

Susan had never seen anyone actually embody the expression “his eyes bugged out of his head” before, but Elliot’s expression certainly came close. She fought hard to not giggle nervously herself as he stared a her. “You.. _what?_ ” he asked eventually.

She ran a hand through her hair. “I was looking for Trek documentary films and fan films on-line, when this one popped up in my search results. Against my better judgement, I clicked on the link, and, of course, that’s _precisely_ when Tensaided walked up behind me.” She grimaced, blushing a little. “I panicked. I didn’t want him to think I was searching for porn on company time, so I babbled—only semi-coherently—about looking for fan-made Trek films for us to review and that this one came up by accident, _honest_. He suggested that we actually _should_ review this one, and, well…” she shrugged. “Here we are.”

“Okay.” Elliot stared at her, a stunned expression on his face. “Wow.”

“You’re free to say no, you know. We need to both agree to this for it to happen.”

“Ah…” Elliot puffed his cheeks and blew out a slow breath as he stared into the distance. “It would certainly be… _different_.”

“That’s noncommittal.”

He shot her a sideways glance, then looked away quickly, blushing. “And it also sounds like, well, all kinds of awkward. Watching porn. With you.”

Susan could feel her face reddening. More. “Yes, well. No argument there.”

Elliot finally looked at her, his brow wrinkled in a confused expression. “Why do _you_ want to do it? I mean…you’re the last person I would _ever_ think would want to watch, um…”

“A Star Trek parody?”

Elliot laughed. “Among other things.”

“Tensaided bribed me by offering to get rid of most of the store’s copies of _Fifty Shades of Grey_.”

Elliot laughed again. “Well, he certainly knows your weak spots.”

Susan grimaced. “Though, on reflection, it seems a sort of Faustian bargain, getting rid of a bunch of crappy soft-core porn by watching a hard-core porn flick.”

“Well, just think of all the people who won’t be able to check out _Fifty Shades_ any more. You’ll be bravely sacrificing your, ah, delicate sensibilities to protect them.”

Susan snorted. “So, really, we’d be doing Moperville a public service.”

“Right!” Elliot grinned at her. “Protectors of the public virtue!”

Susan felt her stomach do the little flip it sometimes did when he smiled at her like that. She pushed the feeling down as firmly as she could, and smiled back at him. “So. What do you think? Should we do it?”

“Sacrifice our porno-viewing virginity in order to save Moperville from bad BDSM soft-core?”

Susan stared blankly at him for a moment, then burst into giggles. “Our ‘porno-viewing virginity’? What—I mean—” She spluttered to a stop, still giggling and blushing. Elliot joined in, laughing.

After a minute, she managed to get her laughter under control. “How do you know it’s _my_ first porno?” she asked, mock indignantly. Then she cocked her head, looking at him quizzically. “For that matter, do you mean, this will be _your_ first porno? Don’t most guys…I just assumed…the internet…I mean…don’t you…uh…” She spluttered to a stop.

Elliot gave her an arch look, and said drily, “You mean, don’t most guys watch porn and jerk off every chance they get?”

“Ah…well, that may be an overly broad generalization,” she conceded.

“Ya think?”

Susan rolled her eyes, embarrassed by her assumptions but trying to hide it. “So, you’re saying you don’t?” Elliot gave her a wide-eyed look. “Um, watch porn, that is?” she amended hastily. Elliot chuckled at her reaction.

“Well…I can’t claim I haven’t seen a few naked women on the net,” he conceded. “But…mostly, they look so…fake. And _bored_. I just don’t find most of it all that appealing, really.” He shrugged. “And now that I share a room with Ellen, it’s not as if I have the privacy to look at that kind of stuff much, anyway. Even if I wanted to.”

“Oh.” Susan was surprised; she truly _had_ assumed that most guys looked at porn regularly, or at least occasionally. _But he’s such a sweet boy scout, it’s not too surprising that_ ** _he_** _doesn’t_ , she thought.

“So. It’ll be a first for both of us,” Susan said.

He grinned again. “Can’t think of a better person to share my first time with.” He paused, then seemed to realize what he’d just said, even as his face proceeded to turn almost as red as Susan’s. “Uh, first time _watching_. A video. A _porn_ video, I mean. Not that I’d _mind_ sharing with you—I mean—uh—say, is that a demonic duck?” he finished desperately.

Susan heard a quack-like snort behind her, then a gravelly voice with a broad New Jersey accent said, “You’re on your own for dis one, kid.” By the time she turned around, there was nothing to see. No source for the odd voice.

“Carp,” Elliot muttered, as Susan turned back to face him. He gave her an awkward grin and a shrug. “Well, it was worth a try…”

Susan laughed. “It would be my honor to share my first time with you, Mr. Dunkel.”

He flashed a relieved grin. “Likewise, I’m sure, Ms. Pompoms. So, when do we do this?”

“You’re _really_ okay with reviewing this?”

Elliot shrugged. “Eh. It wouldn’t be my first choice, no, but—it _is_ a Star Trek parody. It should at least be good for a laugh. Even if it’s in a ‘so bad it’s funny’ kind of way.”

Susan sighed. “Okay then. I’ll tell Tensaided to order the dang thing. We should be able to review it this Friday.”

“Great.” He suddenly looked nervous again. “Something to look forward to.”

“Fifty shades of awkwardness?”

Elliot laughed, and some of his nervousness disappeared. “Well, hopefully it won’t be _that_ bad.”

 

* * *

 

 _No, it’s not that bad,_ Susan thought, as she stared fixedly at the TV screen the following Friday afternoon. _It’s worse_. All of her reasons— _okay, let’s be honest, rationalizations_ —for reviewing the video seemed to fade away in the face of the truly epic levels of embarrassment that were being generated by watching it. She _might_ have been able to watch it with, say, Sarah, without dying of embarrassment. But with a male viewer—with _Elliot_ —there was just no avoiding the near-perpetual flushed face and squirming in her seat.

They’d started out fairly normally, getting some popcorn and chopsticks, drinks, and setting up the camera on top of the television facing them to record reaction shots. They’d both tried to act as if they were just watching another Star Trek film, no big deal.

The opening credits were fine, just text, over vaguely Star-Trekkish sounding music, providing a list of characters and actors.

“They’ve got Leah Brahms and Ro Laren in this?” Susan was startled. 

“Who was Leah Brahms again?”

“The engineer that Geordi had a crush on.”

“Oh, the one he knew through the holodeck?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. They’re pulling in some obscure characters. Maybe whoever wrote this thing knew their Trek.”

Susan grimaced. “Sounds like.”

“ _Tasha Yar_ is a character? All right, it really does sound like whoever wrote this at least knew _something_ about Star Trek.”

The final credits caused Susan to laugh. “Written and directed by Hallowe’en?”

“What? No, it said Sam Hain.”

“ ‘Sam Hain’ as one word, pronounced _sow_ -in, is the Celtic name for the holiday we call Hallowe’en.”

“Huh. Well, it’s not the weirdest _nom du porn_. Counsellor Troi is played by April O’Neil—wasn’t she in the Ninja Turtles?”

“Oh! Yeah, I’d been trying to figure out why her name sounded familiar.”

Susan had been surprised at the quality of the costumes and sets at first; she’d expected something that looked more like a poorly done high school play. But the producers had actually spent more than ten bucks on costumes, props, and sets. The actor playing Data even had gold contact lenses. The special effects were…well, not as bad as the 1960’s Star Trek, Susan had to concede. The movie started with a traditional “Captain’s Log” voice-over over a shot of the _Enterprise_ in space.

“Jeez, I’m pretty sure that’s the plastic _Enterprise_ model you could buy in Toys-R-Us,” Elliot laughed.

“I think Justin sells one like it at the comic shop.”

“And that certainly _sounds_ an awful lot like Patrick Stewart.”

“I’m pretty sure he isn’t moonlighting as a porn actor.”

“Wow. He _looks_ like him too. Are you sure about that?”

Their surprise about the quality of the sets and costumes got them through the first five minutes of the film, before anything explicit began.

“Okay, Picard and Ro and Troi all look pretty convincing, but Tasha Yar looks like she escaped from a 70’s disco party. What is _up_ with that wig?”

Susan had begun to relax a bit, joking with Elliot about Riker and Troi’s slightly wooden acting, when the first sex scene began, quickly shutting them both up.

Susan squeezed her eyes shut as the camera zoomed in on Troi sucking Riker’s cock. She was sorry now that they were watching it on such a large high-def TV screen; it was the largest and most detailed image of a penis she’d ever been exposed to. She cracked one eye open, and peeked at the screen. Not that it wasn’t an _attractive_ penis, she had to admit. But…oh, my. What the actress lacked in acting ability, she made up for with her skills at fellatio.

“She’s certainly…enthusiastic,” Elliot observed. He sounded like he was trying for a casual tone of voice, but his voice was too hoarse for him to pull it off. He coughed and cleared his throat.

“Um. Yeah.” Susan kept her eyes locked forward, not daring to look at Elliot.

“Yuck! Is spitting on his penis supposed to be _sexy?_ ” Susan protested, drawn out of her embarrassment by her momentary disgust.

“Not by me,” said Elliot, sounding almost as disturbed.

“Weird.”

After five more minutes of oral action Susan was moved to complain, “Okay, fellatio is kinda sexy to watch, but how long does it _take_?”

“Uh…”

“I mean, this is getting a little boring. It’s the same actions and sounds over and over and over. Not much variation.” She dared a brief glance at Elliot. He was as red-faced as she was.

“And he’s just standing there like a mannequin,” Elliot observed. “I mean…I’ve got no experience with, uh, you know, but you’d think he’d show _some_ appreciation or movement. Moan. Move a little.”

Susan snorted. “Typical man. Just standing there while the woman does all the work.”

“Hey!”

“Sorry, present company excepted, I’m sure.”

“I—uh, never mind.”

Susan blinked. “That was a rather sudden cut.” Troi was suddenly naked. _Almost_ totally. “How did she take off her uniform without taking off those boots?”

“More importantly, _why_ did she leave her boots on? And why is _he_ only half undressed?” Elliot complained.

“Maybe he’s hiding a girdle, à la Shatner? And those chairs _almost_ looked like the command chairs on the _Enterprise_ , until they started having sex on them. Then it becomes obvious that they’re just plush office chairs.”

They watched in awkward silence for a few more minutes.

“That’s…an interesting tattoo,” observed Elliot.

Susan had barely noticed the tattoo. There were other things holding her attention. She shot Elliot a disbelieving look. “ _Tattoo?_ We’re watching a closeup of…of his penis sliding into her vagina, and you’re focused on her _tattoo?_ ”

He shrugged and gave an awkward smile. “Well, it really _is_ an interesting tattoo.”

But by the time Susan looked back at the screen, the scene had panned up Troi’s body, away from the tattoo on her hip. She winced as she watched Troi’s large breasts bouncing in synchrony with her bouncing up and down on Riker’s cock. “Ouch. That looks painful. I can’t stand to jog without a bra on, and my breasts are a quarter the size of hers.”

“Maybe a third.”

Susan snorted. “ _Not_ going there.”

Elliot laughed. Susan was relieved to hear him laughing. Maybe they could get through this, with enough humor. Lots and _lots_ of humor.

After several more minutes of watching Troi and Riker, Susan shook her head. “Good _grief_ she squeaks a lot.”

“I must admit I never thought of squeaking as a sexy sound.”

“Is she changing your mind?”

Elliot shot her a dubious look. “I don’t think so,” he said drily.

The actors shifted positions, focused in on the main point of contact between the two actors.

“Riker…looks like he has no…testicles?” Susan said dubiously. “Where’d they go?”

“Ah…they pull up tighter against the body. When a guy is really, you know, turned on.”

“Oh. So, that’s normal?”

“Well…I guess so? From a sample size of two.”

“Two?” They were still on the first sex scene. Then Susan blushed. “ _Oh_. You mean, Riker and, uh, you.”

“Yah.”

Susan didn’t know why hearing about abstract details of Elliot’s anatomy should be arousing, but… She tore her imagination away from mental images of Elliot’s testicles and tried to focus on the screen again. She tried not to squirm too much in her seat as she did so. Perhaps fortunately, the action on the screen soon provided her with another distraction.

“Why on _Earth_ is she slapping her own buttocks?”

Elliot just shook his head and shrugged in bewilderment. “Would you mind if I turn the volume down a little? Her squeaking is beginning to hurt my ears.”

Riker and Troi maneuvered through a few different positions, but failed to provide any more joke-worthy actions. Susan just stared straight ahead and concentrated on eating her popcorn.

Suddenly, Riker began to moan, almost the first noise he’d made during the whole sex scene. Troi squeaked, “Yes, yes, _yes_ ,” and Riker pulled out and began stroking his penis above her breasts.

Susan was startled by the cum shot as Riker sprayed cum across Troi’s breasts. “Oh!”

Elliot glanced at her. “Oh?”

“Uh…so, that’s what ejaculation looks like?”

“Um. Yeah, pretty much.”

Susan was about to ask him what was different, but she realized she’d be indirectly asking him what _his_ orgasms looked like, and she stopped herself just in time. It was bad enough imagining his testicles. She didn’t need more fuel on the fire right now.

As the scene wrapped up, it provided a little more evidence of the writer’s knowledge of Star Trek.

“She called him Imzadi? I guess Hallowe’en really does know his Trek.”

The movie took a break from sex to provide a little ( _very_ little, Susan thought) story to surround the sex scenes.

“The seventies called, they want their blonde disco wig back,” Elliot deadpanned as Tasha Yar appeared on screen.

Susan laughed. “And it doesn’t even come close to looking anything like Tasha’s hair style, aside from being blonde. Too long, for one.”

“Maybe this was the only blonde wig they could find, but it’s on loan from a Disco museum, so they weren’t allowed to cut it shorter.”

Susan shook her head wonderingly. “Wow. They actually came up with a semi-valid reason for Tasha to be there. Certainly no worse than some actual episodes.”

Elliot snickered at the interactions on screen. “I think Data wants to re-demonstrate that he’s fully functional.”

“Inevitably.”

The story cut to the Holodeck, where Geordi was supposedly doing some research on how Tasha came to be where she was, assisted by the holographic version of Dr. Leah Brahms. But first…

“Well, I always did suspect Geordi of having a more… _advanced_ holographic version of Brahms,” Elliot said.

Susan snickered. “Holographic masturbation.”

She couldn’t help but notice that Elliot made a small noise of appreciation as Brahms’ bra fell off, revealing her breasts. She felt a small surge of warmth at the notion that he liked Brahms’ figure, because she was more modestly endowed than Troi. Actually, her breasts appeared to be rather similar in size to Susan’s own, albeit with larger areolae.

Then Brahms provided them with new distractions.

Susan gaped at the screen. “How…how does she even fit all that _in_ …” She trailed off, biting her lip. She had certainly heard of the concept of “deep throat,” but seeing the reality of it was startling. And also…hot. Disturbingly hot.

“Beats me,” said Elliot in a slightly choked voice. “Maybe that’s just the way Geordi programmed her?”

Susan giggled. “At least she moans instead of squeaks.”

“Him too. It’s nice that he’s showing some appreciation for her efforts.”

Susan watched the action on screen, fascinated, and also… _Ah, crap. I knew I like to Watch. I should have thought what that might mean for watching…_ ** _this_** _._ Susan squirmed a little in her seat, uncomfortably aware of the growing dampness in her panties. _I never dreamed that this video could_ ** _actually_** _be…kinda sexy._ She licked her lips, staring intently at the screen so as to avoid Elliot’s gaze. She clenched her thighs tight, and tried to avoid moving in any suggestive way, lest Elliot notice. _At least my flushed face can be blamed on embarrassment, and not…_ She had a hard time finishing that thought, even to herself.

“Oh, come _on_ , she’s leaving the high heels on while they have sex?” Elliot protested. “Why? Is it supposed to be sexy?”

Susan winced again as she watched Brahms’ breasts bounce. “I guess even smaller breasts will jiggle dramatically, under enough forceful impact.”

“Um. Yeah. _Quite_ dramatically,” muttered Elliot. Susan glanced sideways out of the corner of her eye and saw his attention was glued to Brahms’ bouncing breasts. She bit her lip and flushed at this further evidence of his appreciation of smaller breasts. _Down, girl_ , she admonished herself.

As they watched, their jokes and comments faded out. After several long minutes of silent watching, she dared to peek out of the corner of her eye at Elliot. He was holding his popcorn bowl in his lap with a rather white-knuckled grip, and he, too, was staring fixedly at the screen, avoiding Susan’s gaze. Susan returned her gaze to the screen, where Geordi and Brahms continued screwing. She shot a quick glance at Elliot again, and realized he was not only holding onto the popcorn bowl rather tightly, he also seemed to be pushing it down rather hard. Into his lap. As if trying to suppress something that had, uh, come up.

_Oh. I guess he…likes it. Too._

She contemplated that for a few moments. Elliot was sitting next to her, turned on. Erect. The thought sent a new flush of arousal through her body, adding to her growing discomfort. She stared vaguely at the tv for a while, the actions on-screen barely registering with her as the idea of the real live flesh-and-blood aroused male sitting next to her occupied her thoughts.

 _Not just_ ** _any_** _“male”_ , she admitted. _Elliot._ She had thought that her crush on Elliot had faded away with time, but now she could feel all those repressed feeling come surging back to the forefront of her consciousness.

She chewed on her lip for several pensive minutes, her distracted attention bouncing back and forth between the surprisingly arousing action on-screen and the distraction of an aroused Elliot sitting next to her. She caught herself squirming in her seat, and willed herself to sit still. But the heat between her legs made immobility impossible, and she slowly clenched her thighs tight, both not wanting to feed into her arousal, but also helpless in the face of it to hold still.

“That…wasn’t a very impressive cum shot,” Elliot observed, breaking the long silence. Susan suppressed a startled jump at his words. “Barely a dribble.”

She scrambled for something to say. “So, that one wasn’t as typical as Riker’s?”

“Er…”

“Sorry, never mind. And why is she looking at him so worshipfully as he comes on he breasts? Is this supposed to be some sort of religious experience for her?”

Elliot snickered.

And once again, the sex scenes were broken up by five minutes of almost random acting to drive the ‘plot’ forward.

“Huh. They made an actual attempt at character development between Data and Tasha,” Susan said.

“Oh, my _God_ ,” Elliot groaned. “Worf and Ro’s martial arts are just _painful_. Embarrassing. Sheesh. They obviously didn’t waste money on a fight trainer.”

“Almost as wooden as Worf’s acting?”

“Maybe not _that_ stiff. But to be fair, his makeup is surprisingly good.”

Ro made another move on Worf, but it wasn’t a martial arts move.

“So…fellatio is foreplay?” Susan complained. “I mean, ten seconds of kissing, then bam, pop it out and into the mouth?”

“I don’t think this is an accurate representation of real-life sex,” observed Elliot drily. “And besides, there wasn’t enough Klingon love poetry. And Ro didn’t throw anything at him.”

Susan laughed. “I love it. I’ve turned you into enough of a Trekkie that you can make Klingon mating ritual jokes.”

Elliot grinned back at her, and she felt a fresh rush of heat run through her body at his smile. _God, he’s so hot, and he doesn’t even know it. And he’s even hotter when he’s being inadvertently nerdy…_

Elliot looked back at the screen and shook his head. “Klingons don’t have pubic hair? And I’m sorry, but Worf with a beer-belly is just… _wrong_.”

“Yuck! Again with the spitting on his cock. What’s that about?”

Elliot looked over at her. “Did you just say ‘cock’?” he asked incredulously.

Susan blushed. “Sorry.”

Elliot laughed. “Don’t be. If you can’t say ‘cock’ while reviewing a porn flick, when can you?”

“I should alter my vocabulary just because I’m reviewing smut? Wouldn’t that be the same thing as lowering myself to—oh, my _God_ , she just…she…” Susan stumbled to a stop, staring at the screen.

“Whoa. That’s even more impressive than Brahms’ deep throating skills. Worf is a lot better hung.”

“Yah.” Susan swallowed hard, and tried not to imagine what that must feel like. The thought of putting another person’s genitals in her mouth had always seemed repellant to her, and yet…and yet… She squirmed a little in her seat.

“And again, she managed to take off all her clothes but magically leave her boots on. _Why?_ Is the boot fetish demographic really that big?” Elliot complained. “Wouldn’t the foot fetishists want to see _feet?”_

Susan laughed, relieved to have something to distract her from her arousal.

“Bajorans don’t have pubic hair either, I guess,” he continued.

“Just tattoos.” The actress had some sort of mandala tattooed just above her vulva.

“That looks like a _really_ painful place to get a tattoo,” Elliot said.

Susan shuddered in sympathetic agreement.

They lapsed into awkward silence for a while, until Elliot observed, “I know I complained about actresses in porn looking bored, but…she, um…”

Susan had to clear her throat before she could speak. “Ah. Yeah, she actually looks like she’s getting into it.”

“Or maybe she’s just a much better actor than we thought.”

Susan thought back over the non-sexual scenes Ro had been in. “Eh. Probably not. And I don’t think she could fake that sexual flush down her neck.”

They settled into a semi-comfortable silence, not snarking at the action as much as they might have during a regular movie review, but their embarrassment fading as they grew accustomed to watching the actors having sex.

 

* * *

 

After another half hour or so, Data finally got around to proving to Tasha Yar that he was fully functional.

“Data’s being almost poetically eloquent, for an android,” Susan noted wryly.

“Well, he _is_ looking to get laid.”

Susan laughed. “That must be it. Or maybe he’s simply trying to distract himself from her awful wig.” Then she shook her head. “Good grief. _Again_ , just one kiss, and bam, she’s half-naked and going down on him. Are they afraid we’ll get bored with foreplay or something?”

“And _why_ do the women always leave their boots on?” Elliot laughed.

“Data left his shirt and socks on.”

“Probably so they didn’t have to cover his whole body with pale gold body paint,” Elliot hypothesized. “He’s fully functional _and_ circumcised, apparently.”

“What would a bris for an android be like?” Susan mused. “Oh, my. _His_ testicles aren’t in hiding.”

On-screen, Data said, deadpan, “I like this, Tasha.”

Elliot and Susan both started to giggle. “Oh, Data, you sweet-talker, you,” Elliot said.

The couple on screen shifted into a new position, providing them with a new view of the action.

“At least they didn’t make the actress wear a 70’s disco blonde merkin,” said Susan.

“A merkin? What’s that?” asked Elliot.

“Ah…a pubic wig.”

“Really? Huh. Not only is that a thing, but there’s a word for it?”

“Elliot, there’s a word for _everything_.”

“Is there a word for how awful Tasha’s wig is?”

“Well. No. There may not be any adjectives nasty enough to cover that.”

“Whoah!” Elliot exclaimed. Susan was just as startled as he was, but she managed to avoid verbalizing it. “I guess androids come harder,” Elliot said.

“That…was impressive. In a weird sort of way.”

“Makes up for Geordi’s dribble.”

“He hit her chin from her…her crotch.”

The couple on-screen moved on to a second round of sexual gymnastics.

“And I guess androids don’t get soft unless they want to…” Susan observed.

“At least his programming included instructions on proper manual clitoral stimulation techniques.”

The oddly formal phrasing caused Susan to glance at Elliot. He was keeping a straight face, barely, which cracked when she started giggling. He joined her.

“And how do you know it’s proper technique?” she teased him.

“Ah, I spend a significant percentage of my time as a woman?” he reminded her wryly.

“Oh. Right. I forgot that, for a moment.”

“Though, honestly…” He trailed off.

Susan happily turned her attention away from the somewhat tedious in-and-out going on on the screen. “Honestly what?”

“Ah, never mind.”

Susan rolled her eyes. “Okay, now you’ve just guaranteed that I want to hear what you were about to say. C’mon, give.”

Elliot laughed. “All right. I was thinking, honestly, he could be doing just about _anything_ , and it could be considered ‘proper’ technique, as long as she was enjoying it.”

“Eh?”

“I mean…” He blushed. “My different female forms…have wildly different physical preferences. In one form I can just barely tolerate a feather-light touch on my clit, and in another, I, um, _enjoy_ a touch as vigorous as what Data is doing to Tasha.”

“Oh.” Susan joined Elliot in blushing. Not that either of them had ever really _stopped_ blushing, since the movie had started. It just varied in intensity from moment to moment. “It’s weird to think that you might have a broader understanding of female sexuality than I do.”

Elliot shrugged. “The physical side, anyway. I don’t really know what it’s like to be a woman in society. Even when I’m female in public, I’m aware that it’s just a mask. A temporary thing for me. Any sexism I encounter, I can just let roll off my back. Though I _do_ try to push back against it, when I can.”

Susan stared at Elliot, surprised at this level of awareness in him. She normally considered him a little oblivious to a lot of the finer social details in life, but he was revealing some hidden depths. She smiled and shook her head slowly, which he noticed.

“What?” he asked, sounding a bit nervous.

“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any _nicer_ , you say something like that. You’re a good man, Elliot Dunkel. And a good woman, too.” She snorted. “Though even after all this time, it’s still weird to hear you talking about things like ‘your’ clitoris.”

Elliot laughed, and Susan was relieved to see he seemed unoffended by her comments.

Elliot turned his attention back to the screen. “This is actually a lot better than I thought it would be.”

“Ah…” Susan struggled for a moment to think of a rational response to that. Objectively, the movie wasn’t really _that_ good, the acting was so-so, the story that the sex scenes were built around—well, at least it was obviously written by someone who knew and loved Star Trek. It was no worse than some fan fics she had read. So it had _that_ much going for it, anyway. And there was no denying that she found it arousing. Alas. “It is?” she asked cautiously. Wondering what aspect of it _he_ found good. The bouncing tits? The boots?

“Mind you, I had pretty low expectations in the first place.”

Susan laughed. “Oh, yeah. Definitely.”

“I mean, as a Star Trek story it…could be worse. Some of the actual movies were worse.”

“That’s a pretty low bar.”

Elliot shuddered. “ _Nemesis_ … But as a porn flick—even if it is only the first one I’ve ever seen…” he trailed off, looking embarrassed.

“As a porn flick, it’s doing the job?” Susan said wryly. She couldn’t help but notice that he was still holding an empty popcorn bowl in his lap.

Elliot coughed and peeked out of the corner of his eye at Susan.

“It’s certainly working on _me_ ,” Susan confided, before she could stop herself. _What the frak did I just tell him??_ She felt her face flame up to entirely new levels of embarrassment.

“Uh. Yeah. Me too,” Elliot conceded. He turned to face her more fully. “I gotta admit…knowing that you’re turned on too…turns me on even more.” He stared at her with a surprisingly open and vulnerable look on his reddened face.

Susan bit her lip as she returned his gaze. She nodded. “Yeah,” she whispered. “Me too.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, the action on the screen forgotten. Susan noticed that Elliot was breathing heavily, and she struggled not to glance at his lap when he set his popcorn bowl aside on the end table.

It was a short-lived struggle. Her gaze locked onto the bulge in his pants, and she couldn’t look away, fascinated.

“H-hey, Susan?” Elliot’s quiet voice sounded rough and scratchy, and nervous. Uncertain.

“Yeah?” Her voice wasn’t any more steady than his was.

“You…wanna do something…about that?”

She blinked, and snapped her gaze back up to his face. “About _that?”_ she asked, her eyes going wide.

“I mean…about being…horny. Turned on.” He swallowed nervously and tried to smile at her. “If you want to.”

“I…” _Oh, gods, yes, yes, yes, I_ ** _want_** _to. I want_ ** _you_** , she didn’t say. Couldn’t say. Because there was still the issue of… “I’m not sure…I can.” She closed her eyes and bowed her head. “Touch you. That is.”

Elliot chuckled, startling Susan. “I didn’t think you would.”

Susan looked back up at him, frowning slightly. “Then what?…”

Elliot let a hand drop into his lap, where it just barely grazed his erection. “I thought…maybe we could, you know.” He licked his lips. “Take care of ourselves. Together. At the same time.” He stared into her eyes, looking so painfully earnest and vulnerable that Susan wished she could just throw herself into his arms.

 _Goddammit. I_ ** _hate_** _this phobia_.

“Hey. Stop that,” Elliot said firmly.

Susan jerked back, startled. “What?”

“Stop beating yourself up over your…limitations.”

“What makes you think—”

“Please.” Elliot rolled his eyes. “I know you.”

Susan scowled at the floor. “My limitations. My _neuroses_.”

“Whatever you want to call them.” He paused, as if waiting for a response. “ _Susan.”_ She looked up at his sharp tone. “I know you,” he repeated, gently. “I knew that about you when I made that…offer.” He grinned, a little uncertainly. “Which still stands, by the way. I notice you haven’t said ‘no,’ yet.”

 _I haven’t?_ She blinked as she thought back. _Oh. I guess not. I really should say no._

But she found that she couldn’t. His grin, his damnable grin, just made her stomach flutter and elevated her pulse.

“I…” She realized Elliot wasn’t the only one breathing heavily. Despite this brief detour into her psyche, her body was still fully aroused and ready for action. Some sort of action. _Damn my stupid libido…_

“Okay. Yes,” she whispered.

Elliot’s eyes went wide for a moment, as if startled by this agreement, then he smiled. A warm smile. No, a _heated_ smile. Which heated her even more.

“So, how…” Susan trailed off, uncertain how to phrase the question, let alone how to start.

“Maybe…” Elliot looked thoughtful for a moment, then he grinned again. Without the nervousness this time. “You show me yours if I show you mine?” Susan giggled. “How about we…mirror each other. Do the same things at the same time. Go at the same pace. So neither of us has to…take the plunge alone.”

Susan nodded slowly. “All right…”

They sat staring at each other for a few moments, the only sound the moaning coming from the television. Susan glanced aside to see Crusher giving Picard yet _another_ blowjob, then she picked up the remote and shut off the television.

“ _Thank_ you,” said Elliot. Then he moved the hand that was resting in his lap, just gently rubbing against the length of his erection through his jeans. Susan stared, fascinated, then she realized she should be mirroring his actions.

 _Oh, God, am I really going to do this?_ She let her legs separate a little, and dropped a hand into her lap. She pressed against her crotch lightly, and took a shuddering breath at the sensation. She’d been aroused without taking any direct action for over an hour by this point. She was more sensitive than usual.

She glanced up at Elliot’s face, to find him staring intently at her hand. Encouraged by his obvious enjoyment, she ran a finger up and down the seam of her pants, pressing in against the damp fabric. “Oh, _fuck_ ,” she whispered without thinking. As she gently stroked the outside of her pants, she watched Elliot wrap his fingers around the length of his rigid cock, straining against the fabric of his jeans.

He shifted in his seat, and he shoved his erection to a different, presumably more comfortable angle under the cloth. Then he sat up straighter, and put his hands on the bottom of his t-shirt. He paused, looking at her expectantly.

 _What?_ She shook herself. _Ah, right, mirroring each other._ She also sat up straighter, and placed her hand on the bottom of her shirt. Slowly, teasingly, they each lifted their shirts. Susan bit her lip as Elliot’s sculpted abs appeared, and for the first time she allowed herself to appreciate the thin line of dark brown hair trailing down from his navel into his pants. Into hidden mysteries, that wouldn’t remain hidden for long. As long as her courage held out.

Her courage was helped by the fact that she was wearing a bra, so they peeled their shirts off simultaneously, without any hesitation on her part. “You are _so_ …yummy,” she murmured.

Elliot demurely crossed his arms across his chest, giving himself a hand-bra. “You’re not keeping pace.”

Susan snorted. “If you’d worn a bra, we’d be even.”

“I didn’t anticipate shifting to female today. Or having to match your attire.”

“That shows a remarkable lack of imagination and foresight on your part,” Susan teased.

“Oh, believe me, I’ve _imagined_ something like this before”—

 _He has?_ Susan felt a fresh rush of arousal at the thought that he’d imagined _anything_ sexual with her.

—“but I never imagined it might happen _today,”_ he finished with another infectious smile.

Susan shook her head as she smiled back at him. “You really should be required to have a license to carry that grin.”

“Za?” The smile in question disappeared as he looked puzzled.

“When you smile at me like that…” She swallowed. “It makes _me_ …imagine things. With you. Too.”

Elliot looked thoughtful for a moment, then, in a blatantly calculated move, he smiled very slowly, and very heatedly, back at her.

 _No fair._ Susan whimpered quietly, then reached behind her back to unhook her bra. _I can do this. We’re not touching, just looking. Only looking._

 _God, I love to look. And he’s so_ **_very_ ** _nice to look at…_

She held her bra in place with her hands cupping her breasts for a moment, mirroring Elliot’s pose. Slowly, deliberately, she started to slide her hands down, lowering the bra. She paused just before reaching her nipples, watching Elliot’s laser-like focus on her. His lips were parted, and his breathing deep and shaky. She cleared her throat gently.

“Huh? Oh!” He shook himself out of immobility and mirrored her action, sliding his hands down his lovely pecs, stopping just above his nipples too. Then, with a cheeky grin, he took the lead, and lifted one hand briefly, flashing his nipple, before clapping his hand back down on his chest.

Susan giggled, and lifted her hands away from her body just enough to let the bra fall away into her lap. Then she duplicated his gesture, lifting one hand away from her breast for just a moment. She was gratified to hear him whimper at the brief nipple peek.

“God, you are so hot,” he murmured.

“Really?” She was both fishing for compliments and also genuinely curious. She sometimes wished she had a fuller figure, but Elliot had seemed to appreciate the, ah, smaller things in life when watching the video.

“Oh, _yes_ , really.”

Thus encouraged, Susan moved her middle finger in a slow circle over her nipple, then pinched it between the sides of two fingers, a move Elliot couldn’t quite fully duplicate with his smaller masculine nipples. The sensation was more thrilling than usual for her, watching him watch her. They both shifted in their seats, breathing heavily.

Elliot moved his hands slowly around his pecs, not uncovering them fully just yet, but gently fondling them. Susan followed suit, and the feeling that she wasn’t stroking her own breasts, but that it was _Elliot_ stroking them, remotely, increased the intensity of the stimulation. It was like a way for him to touch her without triggering any phobic reactions. She moaned softly as they both pinched their nipples.

She looked up at his face and met his eyes. He waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. “Ready?” he asked.

She hesitated, then nodded. Slowly, simultaneously, so slowly that Susan wasn’t sure which one of them was leading the other, they slid their hands down their torsos, exposing their chests. Susan’s nipples were as hard as she’d ever felt them, feeling especially hot in contrast to the cool air they were now exposed to.

“Oh, _my,”_ Elliot breathed. “You’re even more beautiful than I’d ever imagined.”

Susan felt a surge of both embarrassment and lust at the reminder that he’d ever imagined _anything_ about her before.

“You too,” she said.

Elliot chuckled. “You’ve seen me shirtless before.”

“Yeah, but…” She smiled bashfully at him. “I’ve always had to restrain myself from staring too much in the past. Now, however…” She let her appreciative gaze travel up and down the length of his torso, finally allowing herself to fully enjoy the sight. His hands, which had ended up in his lap, again began stroking his penis through his jeans. Susan likewise gently rubbed herself through her pants.

“That looks…uncomfortable,” Susan offered, observing his erection straining against the coarse fabric of his jeans.

“Eh. A little. But I don’t want to rush you or anything.”

“Oh, no worries there. Except…” She hesitated a moment, thinking, then she stood up, gesturing for him to stay put. “I’ll be right back.”

She headed to the bathroom to get two towels and a box of tissues. As she walked away from the couch, the quiet rational corner of her brain, the little Vulcan in her that she could never quite shut up, wondered why she was so willing to go along with this somewhat outrageous situation. She snorted and shook her head.

 _Because it’s Elliot. And his damn smile._ But of course it wasn’t just that. He was lovely to look at, true, and he turned her on, but she wasn’t normally a slave to her libido.

 _Because it’s Elliot, and…he might feel something for me like I do for him?_ She shook her head again. No, best not to get her hopes up on that score.

 _Because an hour and a half of watching other people get naked and have sex desensitized us to the point where getting naked ourselves doesn’t seem so outrageous?_ That one had some merit. At least as a contributing factor.

 _Because I’m sick of never being touched, never being affectionate or sexual with someone else, and I can trust Elliot enough to know he’ll honor his word that it’ll be just looking, with no touching._ True enough. She trusted him, almost as much as she trusted Sarah. Sometime in the past few months he had become one of her best friends. Her best male friend.

 _A boyfriend?_ She quashed that line of thought, hard. _No. We’re just two friends, exploring our healthy adolescent sex drives together. Don’t read too much into it._

She returned to the TV room with the towels and box of tissues. She handed Elliot one of the towels, and the tissues. “Here. For, uh, cleanup, and something to sit on, while we’re, while we’re…”

“Naked?” Elliot offered.

Susan nodded wordlessly, then spread out the towel on the end of the couch where she’d been sitting. Elliot stood up and did likewise at his end of the couch. She started to sit back down, then she glanced at Elliot standing next to her. “Um. The pants might be easier to do…standing up,” she noted, her hands on the button at the top of her pants.

“True.” Elliot duplicated her hand position, getting back into the mirror game, then locked eyes with her. She was comforted to notice that he looked as nervous as she felt. Well, _almost_ as nervous.

Susan undid the top button, and Elliot followed suit. He grasped his zipper pull, then slid it down. His jeans began to slide off his slim hips without his intervention, and he quickly grabbed the waistband to hold them up. He hesitated a moment, then, instead of pulling the jeans back up the short distance they’d fallen, he started to push them down. Susan took a deep breath and followed suit. _I may have exposed myself more by taking off my top, but he’s exposing himself more by taking off his pants._ Released from the confining pressure of his jeans, his erection sprang up as the waistband slid past the head of his cock, tenting his boxers a little comically. Susan’s eyes were locked on that tent, surprised at the size of it, as she pushed her own pants down her legs. They used their feet to finish pushing their pants fully off, taking their socks with them.

She licked her lips, and glanced up to see him staring at her.

“No fair,” he said, in a teasing tone of voice. “You’re fig leafed by your hair.”

Susan glanced down at herself. It was true that bending forward to push her pants off had brought a lot of her hair to the front of her body, but it didn’t quite reach her panties.

“Mind you, your nipples _do_ look quite lovely, peeking out through that veil of hair. A sexy contrast of pink and black.” His smile was appreciative.

“Oh!” He didn’t mean fig leafed down _there_. Reminded of her toplessness, she reflexively brought her hands up to cover her breasts for a moment. Elliot duplicated the move, making her giggle. She lifted her hands up and back, pulling her hair back over her shoulders. Elliot also duplicated that move, which was even cuter. She paused with her hands at the back of her neck, pulling the hair back in a vague semblance of order. She realized the position caused her breasts to push up and forward a bit, a realization that came to her when Elliot made a quiet sexy moan at the sight, his eyes locked on her chest.

The position displayed _his_ chest to good advantage too, she had to admit. She held the pose for a moment, so she could appreciate him more fully. And, she had to admit, to allow him a chance to admire her, too, since he seemed to be so appreciative of the view. Never in her life had someone else’s gaze on her made her feel so _sexy._

“So, so beautiful,” Elliot murmured.

Susan flushed, not from embarrassment, but a fresh wave of arousal. Then she slid her hands back down her chest. She paused for a moment as her hands cupped her breasts, letting her thumbs slide back and forth over her nipples a few times. The sensation made her knees feel wobbly, and she wanted to sit down.

 _Remove my panties first_? she wondered. _Or slip them off after sitting down?_

But Elliot took the lead and decided the question for them, his hands sliding down from his chest to slip his thumbs under the waistband of his boxers.

 _Hoo boy. This is it…_ Elliot waited until she got her thumbs hooked under the waistband of her panties, then they slowly pushed their hands down the sides of their hips together, gradually revealing themselves. Susan’s gaze was locked on the dark brown brush of pubic hair that appeared at the top of Elliot’s boxers, and she realized she was holding her breath in anticipation as his erect cock slid into sight.

As the waistband of Elliot’s boxers slid past the head of his cock, it popped back up from the downward angle it had been pushed into, suddenly pointing straight out at Susan. She let out a soft breathy moan at the sight. She was so focused on _his_ body that she wasn’t even paying much attention to the fact that she was exposing _her_ naked body to him.

“ _Wuff_ ,” she said softly.

“Is that a good noise?” asked Elliot.

She glanced up at his face. He was still looking nervous, too. “Oh, my, yes. _Very_ good.” She suddenly realized that her compliments could be as nice for him to hear as his were for her. It gave her an odd feeling of both power and affection. _He cares what I think of him._ “You are _lightyears_ beyond all those Starfleet officers. _So_ hot.”

Thankfully, he seemed to take the nerdy compliment in stride, grinning wide and looking pleased. His shoulders dropped a fraction of an inch, as if letting go of some tension.

They both dropped their underwear and stepped out of them. Susan sat back down on the couch, careful to center herself on the towel, because she knew she was soaking wet.

Elliot followed suit, then turned sideways, leaning back against the armrest at his end of the couch. That put him with one foot up on the couch, one foot on the floor. Giving Susan a _lovely_ view of his cock and balls, nestled between his muscular thighs.

A little more slowly, she followed suit, giving him in turn what she hoped he found to be a lovely view of her vulva. Thankfully, the couch was long enough that their feet didn’t have to touch. She placed a hand over her crotch for a moment, feeling shy, and he duplicated the move. She giggled at that. “ _You_ can’t really cover all the goods with just one hand,” she observed.

Elliot glanced down, where his hand was insufficient to hide both his balls and erection simultaneously. He grinned. “No, I guess not. But if you’re going to be shy…” He slid his hand slowly up the length of his cock, gently caressing it. Susan took her courage in hand (hah), and slid a finger up the length of her vulva. She shuddered at the touch.

As Elliot wrapped his hand around his cock, she said, “I don’t think I can duplicate that move exactly.”

He laughed. “At this point…should we just do our own things?”

“No more mirror dance?”

He shrugged. “Unless you particularly want to.”

She thought about it for a moment. “No…I guess anatomical differences kinda get in the way at this point.”

“True. Though I love _your_ anatomical differences,” he said.

Susan rolled her eyes. “You’ve probably seen dozens of different vulvas. All of them your own. What’s so special about mine?”

She’d meant it mostly as a rhetorical question, but he took her seriously. “Well, for starters, it’s _you_. Not me. Which is infinitely sexier just by that very fact. And at the purely physical level…” His hand stroked his cock a bit more enthusiastically as he stared at her crotch. “You have such a lovely pussy. Very pretty and pink, framed in black.” Then he looked up at her face, an expression of uncertainty on his face. “Er. Do you mind if I call it that?”

“Actually…it’s not a term I’ve ever used myself, but…somehow, it sounds sexy, when you say it,” Susan admitted. She bit her lip, then asked shyly, “Do you really think it’s pretty? My…pussy? You’re not just saying that?” She ran her fingers through her damp pubic curls, gently teasing herself, giving Elliot a clearer view.

“Oh, _gods_ yes. So pretty and pink and wet. It turns me on so bad, seeing you so swollen and wet.” He licked his lips. “Female erections aren’t as huge and showy as male ones, but that glistening pink clit peeking out from behind those black curls tells me you’re as turned on as I am.”

Susan drew in a shuddering breath to hear him describe her so. “Yeah,” she said softly. “Oh, yeah. I am. And you…you’re…”

Susan stumbled to a halt. She was not used to being at a loss for words. Words, logical thought, rational explanations, all had always been parts of her strength. Part of who she was. But this situation was all so new, so irrational, so different from anything in her past experience, that she had no idea what to say, or do.

 _Communicate, dammit_ , came Sarah’s voice in the back of her head. She snorted a little at that, then she blurted out, “You’re so hot and handsome and sexy and you turn me on something fierce and I have absolutely no idea of what to say or do next.”

Elliot gave a relieved smile. “Oh, good.”

“ _Good?”_

“Yeah. I’m glad I’m not the only one.”

Susan stared at him for a moment, then she started to laugh quietly. Not a nervous laugh, but a one of relief, of release of nervousness. “Well, I guess there’s always our initially stated objectives.”

“Za?”

“You know.” She bit her lip, then gently circled her clit with her damp middle finger. “Um, _taking care of_ ourselves.”

Elliot groaned, watching her, and slowly began running his hand up and down the shaft of his cock. It seemed to Susan that he grew just a tiny bit larger as he watched her, or maybe that was just her imagination.

She’d thus far avoided much direct stimulation of her clitoris, just because she was so aroused. She was pretty sure she’d come very quickly once she touched herself there, and the thought of orgasming, of losing control like that in front of him, was still a little frightening.

 _But it’s also…a little arousing_ , she was startled to realize.

She took a deep breath. _Communicate, dammit._

She licked her lips, and, her eyes locked on his hand moving up and down the length of his cock, she said hoarsely, “I’m so turned on right now I can barely stand to touch myself. I’m afraid that if I apply any serious pressure I’ll come within seconds, and that thought makes me…nervous.”

“Nervous?”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “Orgasm. Coming. Losing control like that. In front of you. I…I’m not used to being out of control, Elliot.” She looked up to meet his eyes, which were watching her with a warm focused concern. She slipped a couple of fingers into herself, and shuddered at the sensation as she pulled them out and circled her clit again. Just a little more firmly this time.

Staring into his eyes, she said, “But if ever there was anyone I would _want_ to lose control in front of—lose control _with_ —it would be you.” She bit her lip, then closed her eyes and gently pinched the hood of her clit between two fingers. She bit back a moan, embarrassed by the sound she was making, then she let it out, a low soft sound full of tension that was soon echoed by the watching Elliot. She began to vibrate her fingers in a familiar rhythm, strumming her clit, feeling the heat of pre-orgasmic tension flooding her pelvis. She forced herself to open her eyes, to look at Elliot.

The hand on his cock was moving faster, and his other hand was cupping his balls, tugging on his scrotum. “Ah, _Susan_ …” he moaned, “ _Yes…_ ” The sight of his arousal, the sound of her name being moaned by him, was too much for her. She increased the pace of her fingers while lifting her other hand to pinch a rock-hard nipple. For once, she wasn’t going to have to stroke herself long enough for her forearm to become tired—she was already almost there.

“ _You_ …are the hottest thing I’ve seen today,” she gasped. “You’re _so_ yummy…so hot…I want…I want to see you come. I want you to see _me_ come. Come for me, Elliot? Please?”

Her words had the desired effect. His hand also moved faster, his back arched, and he shoved his hips up as he gasped out, “ _Susan!”_

Data had nothing on Elliot for impressive cum shots. Long white spurts of cum shot out of his cock and sprayed his chest and belly, all the way up to his shoulders. The sight pushed her over the edge too, and she clamped her thighs tight around her hand as she convulsed and quivered, coming harder than she could ever remember. “ _Ellllliot…_ ” she moaned, her voice pitched high with passion. He seemed to twitch and convulse yet one more time at hearing her say his name.

She normally closed her eyes while climaxing, but she forced herself to keep them open, and locked gazes with Elliot. As his orgasm faded, he somehow found the strength to flash her a satisfied grin, the sight of which sent a final shiver through Susan’s body.

They both lay there, panting and twitching slightly with post-orgasmic tremors. Susan’s brain was a bit foggy from her orgasm, and she stared blankly at the puddles of cum that slowly trickled down Elliot’s chest and abs.

Elliot recovered his verbal abilities first. “You…are _also_ the hottest thing I’ve seen today. Or any other day.”

Susan smiled at that. She felt like she should close her legs, should cover herself somehow, but she found it difficult to really care enough to make the effort. She wiped her sopping wet fingers on the towel, and watched in fascination as Elliot used the provided tissues to clean his torso. She could smell an unfamiliar damp, musky smell that she realized must be the smell of semen. She was amused to see him wipe a dab of cum off of his cheek—she hadn’t realized he’d shot _that_ far.

“Thank you,” she finally managed to say.

Elliot chuckled. “No, no, thank _you._ ”

“Thank you for sharing that with me.”

“Likewise. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so beautiful. As when you came.”

Susan wouldn’t have believed she could blush any more, sitting spread-legged in front of Elliot, but she found that she could.

She shook her head. “And thank you for going along with me. For understanding. For not touching me. I don’t think many guys would have had your self-control to not try to touch me.”

Elliot shook his head. “I didn’t do anything special. I mean, I…I _wanted_ to touch you. _Want_ to touch you. But even more than that, I want you to be happy. To have fun. And touching you would just make things… _not_ fun. For either of us.”

Susan smiled. “And there you go again.”

“Za?”

“Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly get any nicer, you go and say something like that. I don’t think you realize just how special you are, Elliot. How wonderful.”

Susan was pleased to see she wasn’t the only one capable of still blushing.

Elliot busied himself by getting up and going to the bathroom to dispose of his fistful of soiled tissues. Susan closed her eyes and just enjoyed her warm post-orgasmic lethargy while he was gone. When he came back, he paused before sitting back down.

“Um, Susan?”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t suppose—did you turn off the video camera at any point?”

Susan’s eyes snapped open, and she stared at Elliot for a frozen moment, then turned to look at the television. The camera that sat on top of the set to record their reactions to the video they were watching still had its small red _recording_ indicator light lit. “Oh, _shit.”_ She stood up and stumbled on watery legs to the camera and punched the _off_ button.

She picked it up and began to press the buttons needed to work her way through the menus to wipe the memory card in the camera. Elliot appeared next to her, and put a single finger over the control panel, carefully not touching her. “Susan, wait.”

She looked up at him. “Wait? For _what?”_

He stared at her for a moment, looking uncertain, then he said, “I agree, we need to erase that video. But…”

Susan stared at him, utterly clueless as to where he was going with this. “But?” she prompted after a few long moments of silence.

He gave her an awkward smile. “But before we erase it…don’t you think it might be…interesting? To watch it? Just once?”

She stared at him, stunned by the notion, struck speechless by the idea.

“You _did_ say that you like to watch,” he said. “I mean, I doubt you want to watch yourself any more than I want to watch _my_ self, but the action on at least half of the screen would be of a great deal of interest to me. How about you?”

Susan was surprised at the thrill his words provoked in her. She did like to watch, that was true. She glanced down, and saw that his flaccid cock—was not quite as flaccid anymore. It twitched a bit in time with his pulse as she watched.

“That…sounds like a really bad idea,” she said hesitantly.

“Why?”

“Um…” She couldn’t come up with a ready response to that. She glanced at the clock on the wall—her mother wouldn’t be home for at least two hours, probably closer to three, so that wasn’t an excuse. And although he wasn’t touching her, he was close enough that she could smell him for the first time, and his scent produced… _interesting_ sensations in her. A renewed tingle in her pelvis.

“That sounds like something that might lead to…” she trailed off, unable to find a way to finish that sentence that she could verbalize without more blushing.

“Dancing?” Elliot joked.

Susan snorted.

“More orgasms?” he offered, more persuasively. Along with a little grin, which Susan thought was just unfair.

“Maybe…”

“And more orgasms would be a bad thing, because…?”

 _Gorrammit. I need to stop thinking with my genitals._ She looked up and down the length of Elliot’s lovely, long body, and sighed.

_Later. I’ll stop thinking with my genitals later._

“All right. Just _once_. Then we delete it.”

“Of course.” His face was a picture of innocence. Or at least as much innocence as a gorgeous naked man with a half-erect cock could project.

Before she could think about it too much and second-guess herself, she plugged the camera into the a/v system and began fast-forwarding through the footage to the point where it got interesting.

Elliot sat back down on the couch as she worked, and she glanced back at him as she got to the part where they started undressing. “Ready?”

Elliot grinned at her, and ran a finger up and down the length of his slowly stiffening cock. “Ready.”

 

* * *

 

Susan handed the Star Trek porn disc back to Tensaided. He glanced at it, then his eyebrows shot up.

“Well? Did you enjoy it?”

Susan shook her head. “No. Upon mature reflection, we both decided that watching porn together would be just too…too awkward. Too embarrassing. So we didn’t watch it.”

Tensaided shook his head. “Well, I can’t say I’m totally surprised, but, I had hoped.” He smiled at Susan. “Do you still want to smash a copy of _Fifty Shades?”_

Susan snorted. “More than ever, but not enough to review that film.”

Tensaided reached under the counter and pulled out a DVD case, which he handed to Susan. Opening it, Susan found a copy of _Fifty Shades of Grey_. She looked up at Tensaided, puzzled. “What?”

He grinned at her. “You’re right, seven copies is too damn many for something so dreadful. So, have at it with that one. Consider this my apology for urging you to do that in the first place.”

Susan laughed. “Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Um. Wow. Thanks.” Susan turned the disc over in her hands, contemplating it for a moment, then she looked back up at Tensaided and gave him a lopsided smile.

“Say, what would we have to review to get you to stop carrying _Star Trek V?”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Someday I'll get tired of writing about the various ways Susan can explore sex within the boundaries of her psychological limitations...but today is not that day.
> 
> & Thanks to Zee McZed for feedback and encouragement.


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